When was your last food craving, and what did you crave?

A friend of mine recently introduced me Pizza Hut’s Big Dinner Box. She said she and her boyfriend would get one for the weekend and simply graze from it as hunger crept in. The Big Dinner… Continue reading

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be, and what would you do if later on you changed your mind?

When I was a kid I had a hole in my chest. Actually, it wasn’t a hole as much as a concave. Pectus excavatum is the Latin-Medical term for it. I do not… Continue reading

List your bad habits and/or addictions and what you have tried to rid yourself of them.

1 – PROCRASTINATION – Or, to be more accurate, pushing aside things that are important and interesting to me out of exhaustion from things that are less interesting but more demanding of me.… Continue reading

What music album would be used for a movie about your life?

Damien Rice — 9 For as many albums that exist out there from which to choose, and for as many different directions my life has gone from time to time, this particular album… Continue reading

Name a totally useless possession and how you came to acquire it.

I never wear cologne. Perhaps I am in the minority as I can confidently tell you I don’t spend a great deal of concentration on observing the smell of the men around me.… Continue reading

What 5 websites do you visit often, and why?

The Facebook icon displayed on my Google Chrome favorites bar is the first click of my mouse every time I open the browser. It is actually so compulsive that I may have no… Continue reading

Name something you lost or gave away that can never be replaced.

Name something you lost or gave away that can never be replaced.

I was in third grade. I was a wiry little thing with an awkward over bite and an affection for turtle necks. I did, however, own a very sweet hat. In honesty I do not remember every last detail of the hat, but the details I do remember are these: It was black with a graphic of the schematics of the Batmobile covering the entire top of it. It had slight square shape to the cap, not completely rounded like your typical ball cap. I feel certain that the yellow outlined, trademark patented insignia appeared on the hat somewhere, but I do not remember that particular detail. I do however remember, with great clarity, the Batmobile. I also remember that it was best worn backwards.
Unfortunately, the only other detail I specifically recall about this hat is that it made my ears, which flared out at its sides, look gigantic. I remember this detail not because I made this keen observation myself, but rather because the fact was mentioned to me by my pears. Frequently and in the form of taunting. In fairness I cannot entirely blame them. They were not incorrect in their assessments that the hat caused my ears to protrude from my head in a particularly ridiculous way. Or that perhaps wearing the same hat every day for weeks might be a fashion faux pas, even for a third grader. And my reaction to them was exactly what any pestering child is looking for: 1 gallon of emotional distress mixed with a dash of anger and a generous topping of social anxiety. It was these details that lead to the pestering, and it was the pestering that led to the losing of the hat.
I didn’t lose it in the manner that your typical third grader might lose something. Placing it somewhere where you might never see it again. Holding it out the window with your hand and not having quite the grip on it you thought you did. Letting someone borrow it that turned out to be not all that reliable when it comes to the returning portion of the borrowing process. Rather I lost it in that way that you lose something that you chose to get rid of but due to circumstances that you would not have chosen for yourself. This happens sometimes in life, giving up things that you would rather hold on to but circumstances cause you to part with the thing. Giving up smoking the occasional cigarette for example. Or ending a relationship with someone you were incredibly fond of but convinced by circumstance that it isn’t meant to be. Or dropping a hat that you love dearly into a classroom trash can because you are tired of the torment that came with wearing said hat.
And it is in that way that I came to lose my hat. I don’t remember what caused the final broken straw, the words or even who said them, but I do remember that the straw was broken. After having enough of the malicious attacks directed at me and my hat, I finally decided that it was time that we end out relationship and that I place it somewhere where it would not return to me. I remember at least one of my fellow classmates spitting on it while it lay there in the trash among the crumpled sheets of notebook paper, the excess edges of carefully cut construction paper and the sharpened-to-a-no-longer-funtion-stub #2 pencils, and all the other discarded things of that day
I recognize that it sounds rather pathetic, the story at whole. That kids would be so relentless regarding a stupid hat and how it looked on someone when the fashion of the day was bowl cuts and neon nylon. Or that I was so easily influenced by criticism even then that I was willing to part with something I loved in order to appease the desire of others. But we do these things all the time, right? For good or for ill, we make sacrifices. We adapt to appease others and only to often face more negativity. These are life’s lessons and this was nothing more than one instance where I saw life being what it is in a way that has stayed with me for over 20 years. I still not completely over letting other people effect me like that. I still love to be loved and I still make sacrifices, or at very least hesitate over things that might bring about pointed judgment. Does that type of character ever really change?